The earth has completed one full revolution marking the end of another year. 2018 was a year of challenges for me. I quit my job owing to my frequent illness and my guilt of spending lesser family time especially with my kid. Before donning the perfect mother hat, I had to take up the role of responsible daughter.
My mother was critically ill and we as a family tried our level best to bring her back to normalcy. Those days were busy rushing to hospital and helping mother in all ways possible. Nights were scary. As medical practitioners would call it, by God's grace, a medical miracle happened and she recovered. I returned to my routine, leaving her at home town. I had trouble sleeping at nights, thinking about her agony. She didn't last for more than a couple of months. After my mother passed away, there was a sudden calm and a surprising peace in me. I no longer had to worry out of helplessness. This serenity too was short - lived. The eerie silence made me act weird. I had always wondered how children without parents could be normal and playful. I now know the answer. As there is none to lend a shoulder to cry on or say a word of appreciation, one tries hard to make the best out of every celebratory mood.
The emptiness at the bottom of the heart did bother me. Also, my ailing grandmother whose memory was slowing fading away, was a case of concern. As a child of working mother, I had spent most of my holidays and vacation with my grandmother. I convinced myself that her nature to seek pleasure in little earthly delights would keep her going. During the last week of December, she passed away. Two significant people of my childhood were gone for good.
I am yet to rediscover my lost enthusiasm, although I seem to be trying hard to move on. I wish I come to terms with reality and find the bigger purpose of my life at the earliest.
