Search for Middle Ground

Of late I seem to have a trouble,
Unable to decide the next course of action...
Plan A sounds ways too simple,
While plan B is rife with doubts on execution...
Should I continue with the current complacency
Or challenge my capabilities and try anew?
Do I conform with the 'keep-going' majority
Or stick to my 'unpopular-yet-original' point of view?

My perceptions of opportunities have become bipolar,
It looks either utterly utopian or grossly exploitative...
I don't share C's ideologies,
As they seem too naive.
Does that mean I agree with D's philosophies?
Oh no, I can only give a wry smile.
My sensibilities question everything today,
Unconvinced with explanations given by all and sundry...
Is there someone who could throw more light?
Or just to pacify this worrying soul,
Is there someone who's experiencing a similar  plight?

You in Me

Sun set after sun rise,
One year has passed since your demise...
My life book had lost its foreword,
But I knew I would grow stronger moving forward...
Today, I recognize your words in mine,
I seem to be traversing the same terrain...
When I explain logic behind my actions,
Or reason out permutations and combinations,
I use your words which made little sense then,
But weaves a complete picture now, end to end.
I assumed you would be hovering around me,
Only to realize there had occured a spiritual alchemy...
Mom,I have internalized you,
Visible only to the eyes of a few...
Mom, I see you in me,
Let's keep going - one, two, three...

March Musings

As I rummaged hurriedly through the shelves of my kitchen,
I heard a strangely familiar tweet from the community garden.
I realized its that time of the year,
when birds migrate and oh what a music to the ear!
Their shrill shriek got me to my balcony,
And I searched for them uneasily.
Among the many annual visitors who throng that tree,
there were beautiful green parrots - exactly three.
Each year they come and peck on that pea pod,
What exactly it is - I know not.
My mother spotted them three years ago,
And bird watching became our favorite pastime instead of bingo.
Its been six months since she passed away for eternity,
I have tried looking for her divine presence in every possible opportunity.
This year, I expected the three parrots to be joined in by one more,
Who knows, my mother could be number four...
To my surprise, I find only two of them sitting there,
Perhaps, the third one, like my mother, left them forever...
Is this God's way of helping me come to terms with reality?
Is this precisely  what we call an intervention of spirituality?
                                                   

  - Vaishnavi Prasad 

Reflections on the Year that went by

The earth has completed one full revolution marking the end of another year. 2018 was a year of challenges for me. I quit my job owing to my frequent illness and my guilt of spending lesser family time especially with my kid. Before donning the perfect mother hat, I had to take up the role of responsible daughter. 

My mother was critically ill and we as a family tried our level best to bring her back to normalcy. Those days were busy rushing to hospital and helping mother in all ways possible. Nights were scary. As medical practitioners would call it, by God's grace, a medical miracle happened and she recovered. I returned to my routine, leaving her at home town. I had trouble sleeping at nights, thinking about her agony. She didn't last for more than a couple of months. After my mother passed away, there was a sudden calm and a surprising peace in me. I no longer had to worry out of helplessness. This serenity too was short - lived. The eerie silence made me act weird. I had always wondered how children without parents could be  normal and playful. I now know the answer. As there is none to lend a shoulder to cry on or say a word of appreciation, one tries hard to make the best out of every celebratory mood. 

The emptiness at the bottom of the heart did bother me. Also, my ailing grandmother whose memory was slowing fading away, was a case of concern. As a child of working mother, I had spent most of my holidays and vacation with my grandmother. I convinced myself that her nature to seek pleasure in little earthly delights would keep her going. During the last week of December, she passed away. Two significant people of my childhood were gone for good. 

I am yet to rediscover my lost enthusiasm, although I seem to be trying hard to move on. I wish I come to terms with reality and find the bigger purpose of my life at the earliest.