A couple of years ago, we had gone shopping to the neighborhood mall. My eight-year old daughter excitedly rummaged through the kids section and tried to touch and feel every dress. She picked a shimmering sequin top and showed it to me with a broad smile. I gave a firm 'NO'. She quietly left the spot. After a few minutes, I called her and asked, "Honey, which one of these do you like?". She touched one and walked away. I felt bad. On our way back home, I reopened the topic. "Why are you upset? I bought the dress you chose." Her reply changed my perception for life.
"When YOU CHOOSE a few things that YOU LIKE and expect me to pick one ONLY FROM THAT LOT, its YOUR CHOICE and not mine. If only you had allowed me to get the one I SHOWED, it would have been MY CHOICE."
All this time, I had thought that I was giving my daughter the freedom and right to choose from the shortlisted, best options. It never struck me that I was imposing my taste irrespective of the choice at the end of the decision. Imagine the situation in a middle-class Indian house a good three decades ago. Children were proud that they had a say in decisions concerning them - education, career, marriage etc. We always found it easier to choose the best from the given options than filling in the blanks. The reason being, we thought we could never conceive THE ONE BEST ANSWER ourselves. Interestingly, those questions never had just ONE BEST ANSWER...
Reminded of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken', I would like to share an extract from the poem.
Today when we go out for shopping, I give my daughter an overview of the purpose of purchase. I let her bring in the options and reason out why I approve or disapprove something. "No sleeveless as its going to be winter"; "Too many green pants already at home"; "Navika has an entire collection of Geronimo which she happily lends, so any other book is fine". I still dish out my options but leave the final decision to her provided it meets the basic purpose. Toys or gifts have a budget and she could choose anything within the specified amount. Of course, a little over and above is always fine.
Well, what's your pick in life?
Choosing, filling or detailing?
This, that or something you would love to create all by yourself?
"When YOU CHOOSE a few things that YOU LIKE and expect me to pick one ONLY FROM THAT LOT, its YOUR CHOICE and not mine. If only you had allowed me to get the one I SHOWED, it would have been MY CHOICE."
All this time, I had thought that I was giving my daughter the freedom and right to choose from the shortlisted, best options. It never struck me that I was imposing my taste irrespective of the choice at the end of the decision. Imagine the situation in a middle-class Indian house a good three decades ago. Children were proud that they had a say in decisions concerning them - education, career, marriage etc. We always found it easier to choose the best from the given options than filling in the blanks. The reason being, we thought we could never conceive THE ONE BEST ANSWER ourselves. Interestingly, those questions never had just ONE BEST ANSWER...
Reminded of Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken', I would like to share an extract from the poem.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Today when we go out for shopping, I give my daughter an overview of the purpose of purchase. I let her bring in the options and reason out why I approve or disapprove something. "No sleeveless as its going to be winter"; "Too many green pants already at home"; "Navika has an entire collection of Geronimo which she happily lends, so any other book is fine". I still dish out my options but leave the final decision to her provided it meets the basic purpose. Toys or gifts have a budget and she could choose anything within the specified amount. Of course, a little over and above is always fine.
Well, what's your pick in life?
Choosing, filling or detailing?
This, that or something you would love to create all by yourself?
