Summer Memories

The beaming balcony sunlight beckons me,

To bathe in the waning golden delight...

Struck by nostalgic thoughts aplenty,

I pen down my memories in the twilight...

Children playing without the pressures of school,

Forgetting all that was written on the blackboard;

Grinning sheepishly on becoming the 'April Fool',

Gulping hand-pressed juices sold down the road;

Tangy raw mango eaten with salt and spice,

As we get ready to meet our friendly cousins;

Hours of  teasing and screaming, I reminisce,

Amidst serious moments of teen discussions...

Cuddling around granny to listen to thrilling stories,

As I run my fingers over her bulging hand veins;

Her imagination runs amok - fantasies, mysteries...

Forever in my heart as a raconteur, she reigns... 

The light in my balcony is a fading beauty,

Who knows what lessons this year brings forth...

I continue to diligently discharge my duty,

 Albeit without any formal, particular oath...

- Vaishnavi Prasad 

March Musings

As I rummaged hurriedly through the shelves of my kitchen,
I heard a strangely familiar tweet from the community garden.
I realized its that time of the year,
when birds migrate and oh what a music to the ear!
Their shrill shriek got me to my balcony,
And I searched for them uneasily.
Among the many annual visitors who throng that tree,
there were beautiful green parrots - exactly three.
Each year they come and peck on that pea pod,
What exactly it is - I know not.
My mother spotted them three years ago,
And bird watching became our favorite pastime instead of bingo.
Its been six months since she passed away for eternity,
I have tried looking for her divine presence in every possible opportunity.
This year, I expected the three parrots to be joined in by one more,
Who knows, my mother could be number four...
To my surprise, I find only two of them sitting there,
Perhaps, the third one, like my mother, left them forever...
Is this God's way of helping me come to terms with reality?
Is this precisely  what we call an intervention of spirituality?
                                                   

  - Vaishnavi Prasad 

Reflections on the Year that went by

The earth has completed one full revolution marking the end of another year. 2018 was a year of challenges for me. I quit my job owing to my frequent illness and my guilt of spending lesser family time especially with my kid. Before donning the perfect mother hat, I had to take up the role of responsible daughter. 

My mother was critically ill and we as a family tried our level best to bring her back to normalcy. Those days were busy rushing to hospital and helping mother in all ways possible. Nights were scary. As medical practitioners would call it, by God's grace, a medical miracle happened and she recovered. I returned to my routine, leaving her at home town. I had trouble sleeping at nights, thinking about her agony. She didn't last for more than a couple of months. After my mother passed away, there was a sudden calm and a surprising peace in me. I no longer had to worry out of helplessness. This serenity too was short - lived. The eerie silence made me act weird. I had always wondered how children without parents could be  normal and playful. I now know the answer. As there is none to lend a shoulder to cry on or say a word of appreciation, one tries hard to make the best out of every celebratory mood. 

The emptiness at the bottom of the heart did bother me. Also, my ailing grandmother whose memory was slowing fading away, was a case of concern. As a child of working mother, I had spent most of my holidays and vacation with my grandmother. I convinced myself that her nature to seek pleasure in little earthly delights would keep her going. During the last week of December, she passed away. Two significant people of my childhood were gone for good. 

I am yet to rediscover my lost enthusiasm, although I seem to be trying hard to move on. I wish I come to terms with reality and find the bigger purpose of my life at the earliest. 

Way to go, deary!

Incident #1: I was busy helping my sister-in-law in Chennai to choreograph (if I can call that one) for a tamil song to be performed by the apartment boys on the occasion of new year's eve. There was a rap portion by Hard Kaur, and we were wondering who could be the right fit. I asked my daughter and she refused instantly. It's not easy to persuade her and I gave in. We kept practicing and my daughter kept watching. We decided to delete the rap portion but forgot to do so. The previous day I asked my daughter again and she agreed half-heartedly. The next evening, she took the stage by storm as she did it with much ease and natural style. I told her father who was in Bangalore. He asked her why she said no initially. Her answer stunned me. "Had I told mom that I would be doing it, she would have made me practice too hard and I didn't want to ruin my holidays dancing monotonously".

Incident #2: Daughter got selected for Spell Bee contest and I was rummaging through all relevant materials to practice. She would also have to talk for a given topic on the spot. I thought of a few expected ones and asked her what she would say on those. The answer was an immediate "I don't know". Patience mommy, I told myself. " Well, let me see what I would have told if I were you" I said. She listened without questioning and fell asleep in a few minutes. The day before her competition, I told her father to help her with some common topics as he was putting her to bed. "Daddy, don't listen to mommy. If you are going to talk about it, I am not going to listen, OK?" She said firmly. He threw a helpless glance at me as I stared at her. Next day after the contest, we got to know that the topic was one I had discussed. " Hey, did you tell about R, your close friend as we discussed the other day?", I jumped. "No.I talked about M " came the reply. She was not going to tell me what she had said.

Incident #3: Dance competition announced in school. I wanted to try. I downloaded 'Let it go' from the movie Frozen for it's inspiring lyrics. Although it was not a peppy dance number, I knew it suited my daughter best (I-me-myself type). As expected, she didn't like the song and the fact that she had to use props throughout the song made her frown. "Let's make a deal. You dance each line after I show you how to do it two times. Deal?" I asked. She nodded. As I danced, she lied down on the couch, legs stretched. I was getting irritated but had to do it. I dance twice, she does once and this was how it went on everyday. D-day arrived and she did it pretty well. Though she loves dancing, I know she isn't great. Surprisingly she won the first prize, more so because of the appropriate usage of props, song choice and timing, I felt.

During these incidents, she disliked one thing a lot. It was the word 'competition'. Whenever I said it, she showed disinterest. One day, she spelled out her fear. "Mom, what if I lose? Wont I get anything? They wont clap for me?" she asked. And the question "what if I lose?" reappeared several times. I found it a little too much for I had thought kids never feared failure. I had to reassure her and make her understand that trying with all might mattered, nothing else. And she did.

I know she isn't like me when I was young, trying to impress the one in the front. She does what she likes and never pretends. Many a times, I have felt sad for her carefree attitude. But sometimes I feel this is a better way to be happy. I wish she grows up with the right spirit and leads a life of her dreams. By the way, my daughter is 5 years now and is finishing her Jr.Kg.


Picture courtesy: marandarussell.com

THE friend

Two tiny eyes wavered as fast as they could trying to catch a glimpse of the second row in the fast approaching school bus. She was not there. As the bus neared, I found her seated in the third row as against the usual second row. I sighed and rushed to the bus not waiting for my father to bade goodbye.

When my parents proudly boast to the relatives that their daughter never cried to go to school, they donot realize that the credit had to be shared with my best buddy, Kayal, who guarded a seat with her bag and waited with a smile for me, to spend the rest of the school bus journey with momentous memories.

We talked about everything in detail, be it the silly school fight or debating on the existence of The Almighty. She was a voracious reader and I the perpetual questioner. We brainstormed and came to our own conclusions. Those were days of exploration through observation.

On the first day of grade I, the students were shuffled and luckily we were in the same class. Kayal wanted to be with those sent to a different class and cried  inconsolably. The teacher sympathized and took her to that class. I felt left out. I could not do much but reserved my knowledge quests for the bus journeys.

Kayal's parents put her in a different school in grade VI. For another time, I felt lonely despite the cacophonous school bus. Suddenly she returned after a week. Kayal had not liked the new school and had come back. By now, we had grown up and had different friend circles. The next year, I was shifted to a different school. After one year, I too returned to my old school as nothing felt like second home than my old school. We both had drifted apart in different directions. I did not have anyone to confide in. There were caring friends, loving friends, supportive friends but none like her. There was no one to understand my motives exactly the way she did.

While in grade XI, we were back in the same class after a very long time. The void was refilled with joy and peace. We enacted a classic play, staged a political satire and even directed one on teacher's day. All only for a couple of years. Most of the students chose the obvious best college in the city while Kayal joined another and I failed miserably in persuading her to join mine.

Our interactions had been few and far between since then. However, we had been with each other on our testing times a well as ceremonial celebrations. When her father shed tears of joy on the day of her wedding, nobody noticed another pair of moist eyes
shedding copious tears of separation.

I always had wondered God's reason behind this hide and seek game in our friendship. Maybe it was to avoid familiarity breeding contempt. Or it was to strengthen our bond over the years. I don't know. Kayal has joined Whatsapp now and I am over-excited. Will we part again? So what? God has destined us to be friends for life which will reunite us, sooner or later.

 Picture courtesy: wikihow.com

Motherhood lessons sundry - part 3

Having discussed the two important lessons of motherhood from my experiences here and here, it's time to have a look at the miscellaneous lessons (pardon me, unable to avoid the terms sundry and miscellaneous, being a business management student) learnt.

• Stereotyping: I go to the toy shop and the shop keeper asks for the age and gender of the child. I tell him. "Girl child aged 3? We have got a new kitchen set and doll house mam" comes the reply. I purposefully avoid it. I had mostly dressed up my girl in t-shirts and pants until she was two considering the cold weather in Bangalore. Try what may, I failed in keeping my daughter away from stereotypes. The environment influenced her or it was instinct, I don't know. Blue color and cars fascinate boys while pink color and dolls interest girls, naturally. On second thought I felt there was nothing wrong in a boy behaving like a boy and a girl being like one. However, it is our duty to teach them that boys can cook while girls do become firefighters as well.

Image courtesy : openclipart.org

         "Mamma, can I wear that pink frock today?" she asks. I take a deep breathe and nod with a  smile.

• Over and again: "Do you want me to read the story of Cinderella again? But you had been reading it from last week."

          "Daddy, why dont we sing boogie woogie? " (Not again! Daddy escapes with the excuse of      having a meeting)

          "Mamma, I want only idlis for lunch. Please"

Image courtesy: booksicals.com

         Do these statements sound familiar? Well, I can empathize with you. Children seem to have a  taste for a particular thing and like to stick on to it till they get bored. It's as if they enjoy it thoroughly and finally discard it, only to get back to it after a full cycle. Though offering varieties are important, it is fine if they donot want it for some time.

• Eat out: I being a over-concerned mother,used to pack dal chawal for my daughter when we went out. My friends were extra happy if I was coming as their kids would also get home made food, sometimes even snacks from home! When the child was 2, she refused to take a single bite after knowing that she was fed the same old stuff while we relished on colorful eatables. As we introduced her to outside food, she started liking the experience though her intake was less. If she is not allowed to choose when everybody chose, she might never develop a liking for food, I thought. Now, my girl happily hops into restaurants while I proudly flaunt the imported mini hand bag!

Image courtesy:sodahead.com

• Milestone developments: "My son can say hippopotamus from the age of one year two months" preened an acquaintance."Really?", I sounded impressed though I felt the father in the camera advertisement asking his two year old son to repeat Czechoslovakia seemed more reasonable.

Image courtesy:fisherpricemoms.ca

 "I trained my daughter for potty at the age of two" said another mother. I felt guilty. But my daughter did learn it a little later. Every child has a pace of learning which differs for various skills. Although I say this, I admit that I cannot help feeling bad when my child is not doing as much as the other kids. But I have seen that patience and constant encouragement lead to positive changes. Next time when I hear a mother boasting "my seven year old helps me chop vegetables ", I must try not telling, " Could you please send her home for some time? My husband is not well since yesterday."

Motherhood lessons - part 1

DISCLAIMER: The author of this post is not an expert in parenting and only intends to share her learnings as a mother till date. The lessons learnt are subject to alteration based on her experiences in the coming years. The author cannot be held responsible for the same.

Motherhood, the most divine status bestowed upon a woman, transforms her and takes her into a roller coaster ride, hiding and revealing all that was unknown to her. This is my story of it and and I guess most of us do have something in common to agree with it.

Efforts vs results: The baby is born and like most of the mothers, I beam with pride and joy to see the little one sleeping peacefully. Not for long, though. Baby girl had taken amniotic fluid and had to be under the doctor's supervision for 24 hours. When she arrives with an injected wrist, the tiny hand with bandaid as she was fed through it for a day, my hear sinks and tears roll down the cheeks. She is fine for now. Evening becomes night and now starts the journey of motherhood!

She screams, cries, nobody knows why. I feed her and sway her but she whines the moment I let hold of her. Time I took up the challenge. I , mother of X, swear that I would strive hard to be the best mother on earth. The sacrifices begin. Sleep, food, clothing all adapted to suit her needs. Still she cries. Neighbors and family members curse the mother for not looking after the child properly. Doctor simply call her ' colic baby' . Now, why isn't my research on parenting all these months, helping me solve this issue? As months pass by, the child calms down. Too many methods adopted making it difficult to name one that attributed to the solving of the problem.

Picture courtesy:welladjustedbabies.com

I can see the child's growth and development being directly proportional to my efforts. I put in more efforts hoping for better results, and I did get it until she was 12 months. I had one more challenge. As a kid being a poor and fussy eater myself , I had decided to do all that I could to ensure that she was NOT like me. I wanted to see her as the ideal chubby Amul baby of yesteryear and not the skinny barbie girl! The day she learnt to say 'NO', the results began declining. I tried hard, all shortcuts but the results were short-lived. Later I realized my mistake and the takeaway being:

THE CHILD IS NOT AN INANIMATE OBJECT WHICH CAN BE MANIPULATED TO PRODUCE RESULTS.

Yes, like us, they had a body and a mind of their own. And their food habits are influenced by the parents habits both consciously and unconsciously. If I donot eat apple, I may not buy it often, and consecutively when the child is offered it once in a while, she may refuse it. "She is always a fussy eater. Never eats fruits".We conveniently reason it out. However, the child might love bananas, and will demand one everyday. This doesnot mean that we need not try feeding the child with all possible healthy options. Try your best even if the result is not proportional to the efforts. My eating habits changed when I grew up and all the health benefits my mother had listed with each food was remembered and followed (a few permanently deleted from memory:).

Believe me, you never know when your words would strike the right chord but they will fetch you results some day.

Celebrating life

It was wedding season last month in my family. We had a cousin's wedding, another cousin's engagement, a distant relative's wedding and my brother-in-law's wedding. After 5 years of married life, I was enjoying the marriage preparations once again, in fact, with lesser tension and more involvement this time.

Weddings have always been an exciting event for me right from my childhood. Reason one, I liked dressing up for social gatherings and reason two, I liked watching people and talking to them. This time, I was glad I could indulge myself entirely in both these tasks.

Here I go dressed up neatly for a wedding...

Introspecting further on the big Indian weddings, I realized it is not the union of two hearts or even two families alone as suggested by Chetan Bhagat in his book '2 states', but the union of many more souls. Marriages mend strained relationships, bring together broken families and serve as the source of new bondings. Relatives relate to each other, friends get together, children play with each other and couples relish on their wedding memories. Despite the huge expenses and a few bitter experiences with the all-time-complainers, the hosts feel contended after a wedding ceremony.

When people comment on the big fat weddings as wastes of resources, we need to stop and think for a while. How often do we sit together and talk as families about a common purpose? How many times have we taken our relatives to a restaurant and treated them wholeheartedly? When was the last time we had seen our cousins who once were closer than our parents and siblings? What have we gifted to our uncles and aunts without whose support our parents could not have brought us up to this extent? Our metro lives teach us to spend time and money with friends, even save some for charitable purposes. Sadly, we have forgotten our own people in home towns who need our support in some way.

Now I have made up my mind to witness wedding ceremonies and wish not just the couple a blissful beginning, but the entire lot over there, a lovely restart of their remarkable journeys!

YOU AND ME

Image courtesy:9to5hdwallpapers.com

A nonchalant you,
An over-excited me;
A pragmatic you,
A nostalgic me.

When the monotonous life yearns for a break,
When the merry-loving me goes for a trek,
I wait for the down-to-earth you,
To look forward to give back my due.

As you are you and I am me,
I realize its my duty to fill your heart with glee;
Therefore back I am, the emotional me,
Not waiting anymore, you see.

A nonchalant you,
An over-excited me;
A pragmatic you,
A nostalgic me.

Friends at home

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

C. S. Lewis

My married life in bangalore had taught me many lessons of which the important one is to value friendship. Brought up as a home loving girl under the protection of parents, it took me some time to adjust and accept people as they are. More so when you are the odd one out. My apartment is primarily inhabitated by north Indians and imagine the plight of a conservative (atleast in dressing:) south indian there! Third language in school and chitrahar in doordarshan did little help. It was my mother tongue sourashtra that made it easier for me to learn the language faster. Today, I can understand hindi, speak fairly well and even manage to watch hindi movies.

February was my month to host kitty party at my house. To me, maths and cooking are alike in one aspect. I can do it if I must do it, not otherwise. That is, I am less passionate about them though if I attempt, I get through with good results if not great outcomes. I had been thinking hard day and night on the menu and games. Obviously the latter was easier to decide upon.

The D-Day did come and here goes my menu for the party:

*Lemon sharbath (Ondipuli brand from Madurai)

*Bovonto (Soft drink from Madurai)

*Malpuva

*Raw banana bajji bonda

*Idli

*Mix veg gravy with coconut milk

*Onion chutney

*Coconut chutney

*Tamarind rice

*Brown channa

*Soya chunks peas pulao

*Cucumber raita

*Plain rice

*Rasam

*Soya beans gravy

*Curd

*Ice cream

My friends loved the idlis and pulao. As for the games, we played dumb charades, making matchstick equations and word crocodile. The day ended with a hot cup of tea.


Making matchstick equations

I was pleased at my ability to host a party at home.

Thanks to my friends who made my day. For someone who wants a ear to hear her incessantly and be by her side during tough times, dears, you are simply awesome!

காலம் கற்றுக்கொடுத்தது

பெற்றோர் ஆசிரியர் சந்திப்பிற்காக
பாப்பாவின் பள்ளிக்குச் சென்றிருந்தேன்.
ஆர்வமாய் ஆயாக்காவை சுட்டிக்காட்டி
"இதுதான் காளியம்மா " என்றாள்.
சிரித்த முகமாய் இருந்த காளியம்மவைப்
பார்த்து புன்னகைக்க நினைத்த போடு
சிக்கலான எண்ணம் தோன்றியது.
பண்டிகையைக் காரணம் காட்டி
பணம் கேட்டு விடுவாளோ?!
இருபத்தைந்து வருட வாழ்க்கை அனுபவம்
எல்லோரையும் சந்தேகப்படு என்பதைத்தானா
கற்றுக்கொடுத்தது ?
விடை தெரியாமல் வெட்கித் தலை குனிந்தேன்.


- வைஷ்ணவி பிரசாத்

இடம் பெயர்தல்

Painting by S.Ilayaraja
Pic courtesy: alraja.blogspot.in

இறுக்கமான முகத்தை தவிர்த்து
இதழ்கள் விரித்து சிரிக்க வேண்டும்

சுடிதாருக்கு துப்பட்டாவும்
சுருட்டை முடிக்கு சீயக்காயும்
போட வேண்டும்

ஆற்றுத் தண்ணீரை அடுப்பில் வைத்து
ஆரிய பின் குடிக்க வேண்டும்

பக்கத்து வீட்டுக்காரருடன்
பேசிப் பழக வேண்டும்

பிழைக்க நகரம் வந்த எனக்கு
விடுமுறைக்கு ஊருக்குத் திரும்ப
பயமாக இருக்கிறது,

நான் மீண்டும்
நானாக மாற வேண்டுமே...



- வைஷ்ணவி பிரசாத்

NO-HOME-OUT-OF-HOME

"How I wished I never had holidays other than weekends", Suma sighed. The plates were stopped being swept with a spoon by her friends. There was silence for a second. Those who knew her well, understood.

The information technology era has created a plethora of opportunities and different classes of working women right from full- time, part- time, telecommuting to freelancing and much more. There is one more category of people originating from these changes who are less mentioned - different categories of parents. Few decades ago, the family lived in a single town which made it easier for the married children to meet their parents. Women could leave their little ones under safe hands and go for a job. Today, things are different. We have full-time-hometown, part-time-hometown, full-time-out-of-hometown parents. The help of the elderly becomes necessary for working parents to look after their kids. And this creates another new section of people who are seldom taken into consideration - the no-home-out-of-home category!


Many like Suma fall under this section. Because of their siblings being working couples, their parents are out of home as a result of which they don't have a home apart from their regular place of stay.

Whenever there is a long holiday like Dussera or Christmas, the plight of such mothers becomes pathetic, especially if their children are in pre-school. The father wants a break and wishes to send the mother and kid for a vacation. A vacation to be a vacation, has to be enjoyed or relaxed. The mother feels the same as it is difficult to engage a preschooler all alone at home. But the mother whose parents are either part-time-hometown or full-time-out-of-hometown parents, feels helpless, homeless! She is taken for granted as she is a mere homemaker and is supposed to have sufficient private time to relax for herself.


This applies to men as well. After all the hustle and bustle in the office, how nice it would be if they could sit and watch a cricket match without being nagged by the wife to get groceries for the next day or the child asking for a new water bottle. Won't it be heavenly to have mother's preparation on a lazy Sunday in hometown after a good chat with old buddies?

I take this as an opportunity to address all those who somehow seem to be related to such categories. Do give your children a break by helping them find a shelter to relax and rejuvenate themselves for the next busy schedule. After all, Frost was right.

"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in."

Picture courtesy : http://www.guaranteed-proofreading-services.com

The new routine

The shrieking alarm caused a vibration that made me instantly sit in my bed. It was 6 in the morning. After a very long time in the past 6 months(seriously unsure of the previous time), I came to my balcony and breathed the fresh morning air. The old lady in the opposite flat smiled with a surprise.Oops! It's 6:05 am.I had to rush to the kitchen after a quick brushing.

Should I start with the sambar? No, the cooker whistle will disturb the calmness of the house. Must I cook rice for lunch now? What if it gets spoilt by night? Will it be sufficient if I soak the tamarind for rasam now? Enough is enough. I started juggling with the vessels to check my culinary efficiency quotient by tasting the recipes in accordance with the time taken to cook them.

It's already 8 am, my cut-off time for household chores. I had managed to complete them on schedule. My husband was ready to make a move.

The milk supplier keenly asked, "you are ready so early mam?"
With a broad smile I answered, " yes raju, my daughter is going to school from today".
The curious kid held her hands closer to mine, confused of the new changes.

The helplessness caused because of not able to go for a job seemed slightly reduced by the new routine set by the kid going to the play school.


Dedicated to my daughter Sathvikha.

உறவே, உனக்கோர் கடிதம்

என் உதடுகள் உன் உறவிற்க்கு மதிப்பளித்து
பல்லிழந்த பாம்பாய், பாரதப் பிரதமரைப் போல்
பேசாமல் மௌனம் காக்கக் கூடும்.


எனினும் என் மனம், உண்மையை உரக்கக் கூற எண்ணி,
அசாஞ்சேயின் ஆயுதமான வலைப்பதிவை நாடுகிறது.


அதை உருவாக்க உறுதுணையாய் இருந்த
என்னைப் பற்றியே எழுதுவாயா என
நீ கேட்பது கேட்கிறது.
என்ன செய்ய?
அவ்வப்போது ஆண்டவனை கோபித்துக் கொள்வதை வழக்கமாகக் கொண்ட
மனித இனத்தை சேர்ந்தவள்தானே நானும்?


உலகமே, உறவுகளே, உணர்வுகளை அடக்கிக்கொண்டு
இதுவும் கடந்து போகும் என நினைப்போர் சிலர்.
மனதில் புதைந்துள்ள உணர்ச்சிகளை
மறைத்து, மறந்து வாழ முடியாமல் அதை வெளிக்காட்டுவோர் சிலர்.
நான் இரண்டாம் ஜாதி.


உன் அன்பையும் அரவணைப்பையும் என்றும் பெற எண்ணுகின்றேன்.
ஆனால் அனைத்தையும் ஆமாம்சாமியாய் ஏற்றுக்கொள்ள
முடியாதென்பதையும் தெரிவித்துக் கொள்கின்றேன்.


என் கருத்துக்கள் உன்னை காயப்படுத்தக் கூடும்.
என்னை தவறாக எண்ணத் தூண்டும்.
என்றாலும், நான் இதுதான் என ஒப்புக்கொள்வதைவிட
ஒப்பனை செய்து, ஒற்றுமை என்ற பொய்யில் வாழ்வதை விரும்பவில்லை.


இப்படிக்கு,
வேறுபட்ட கருத்துக்களைக் கொண்ட நம் வாழ்வின் வேரான
அன்பு, மாறாதிருக்க உண்மை மட்டும் உரித்தானதென
உளமாற நம்பும் நான்.

இல்லத்தரசி

எண்ணற்ற எண்ண அலைகளில் மிதந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் மனமே...
சற்று நேரம் நான் நானாக இருக்க முயற்சித்து,
என் பேனாவால் என் உணர்ச்சிகளை வெளிக்காட்ட முற்பட்டுள்ளேன்.

மூன்றாண்டுகளுக்கு முன்பு வரை, மனதிற்குப் பிடித்ததை மட்டும் செய்தேன்...
இருபத்திமூன்றாண்டுகளான எனக்கு இன்றோ, என் இல்லத்தைப் பற்றிய நினைவுகள் மட்டும்...

கத்திரிக்காய் குழம்போடு என்ன செய்ய,
கைக்குழந்தையை எப்படி சமாளிக்க,
வேலைக்காரியை இன்னும் காணவில்லையே...
சலவைக்குக் கொடுத்த துணிகளை கொண்டு வர வேண்டுமே...
நானும் மாறிப் போனேன் சராசரி மனையாளாக.

தொலைக்காட்சியில் சிறந்த பெண் தொழிலதிபரைக் காணும்போது...
தொலைப்பேசியில் பழைய சிநேகிதி தன் புதிய பணியிடத்தை வர்ணிக்கும்போது...
வீட்டு அலமாரியை சுத்தப்படுத்தையில் சின்னதாய் சிரிக்கும்
கல்லூரிப் பரிசுக் கோப்பைகளைக் காணும்போது...

ஏங்கும் என் மனதை எவ்வாறு சமாதானப்படுத்த என நினைக்கையில்
என் குழந்தை அழும் சத்தம் கேட்டு அலறி அடித்து ஓடுகிறேன் ...

- வைஷ்ணவி பிரசாத்.

MARRIAGE - MISUNDERSTOOD MANDATES

“Marriage is a fierce battle before which the two partners ask heaven for its blessing, because loving each other is the most audacious of enterprises; the battle is not slow to start, and victory, that is to say freedom, goes to the cleverest.” - Honoré De Balzac.

From time to time, the elder generations have tried to pass over the so-called secrets of successful marriage to their children. Unaware that those myths had created troubles for them and might continue to serve as a threat to the newly weds also, its time to know commonly misunderstood mandates and the problems resulting from them.


Mistakes:
• Understand your partner
• Appreciate always


Mistakes in marriage life:


1. UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER:

It is believed that understanding one another is the essence of marriage. To know your spouse and to give enough space and time for personal reasons is fine. But, we end up accepting the other half just the way he/she is and tolerate everything. Srimathi got married at the age of 20, immediately after her graduation. She knew nothing about household chores. Her husband Anand understood her limitation. To encourage her, he appreciated all that she did, no matter how bad it was, especially cooking. Srimathi was feeling blessed to have got him as her better half.
After 30 years of married life, Srimathi still finds it difficult to mentally calculate the quantity of salt required for making vegetable pulao. As she knows that her husband will tolerate all that she makes, she doesnt mind even if it goes wrong, EVERY TIME!

There is another instance. Prem was a procrastinator by nature. He never kept up appointments and meetings. Shilpa, thinking she understood the nature of her husband, started going late to office because of Prem. It was only when Prem’s appraisal got denied, she understood that she had failed to prompt her husband to raise up to the common expectations.



2. APPRECIATE ALWAYS:
All of us crave for appreciation. Praise can flatter all kinds of people and make them feel good. Hence it is wise to appreciate your partner for all good deeds. However, this principle is mistaken by some of us by the addition of a four-letter word ONLY.
Niwas was a very caring husband. He used to appreciate his wife and adore her often. Somehow, things seemed to go wrong after his son’s marriage and there was misunderstanding in the family. He shared this with his close friend Kumar whom he had invited for lunch that afternoon. Kumar assured to help him with the issue. At lunch, Mrs. Niwas served food and he praised his wife as a great cook. After lunch, when the daughter-in-law brought payasam for them, Niwas made a remark that the sugar was slightly more and the dish could have been better. Kumar realized the reason for the misunderstanding in the family.



These are just a few samples. There are many more such issues that needs to be addressed. If all of us start adopting a straight forward approach towards solving such problems, the understanding among family members is sure to multiply manifold.

JOY OF PARENTING

A mother is born with the child. The agonizing ecstasy of child birth is the first of many new experiences a woman undergoes as a mother. Her responsibility and involvement in the family increases manifold. Every child is unique. So is every mother.
The first three months seem to be tough for a new mother. Gradually, she learns to adapt herself to meet the demands of her little one. Lack of sleep, tiredness and other similar issues might make her feel stressed. The support of family members will help her heal these initial discomforts.

Today, most of us live away from our parents. Childcare becomes a mounting task in such cases. Although hiring domestic help is possible, reliability of these maids is questionable. In such cases, the need for the father of the child to play a pivotal role arises. If the spouse is one such understanding person, there is no doubt that parenting would turn out to be a sheer joy.